Love’s Labour
Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
Think you know your sweetie? There’s nothing like a joint project to stretch your relationship skills and test whether or not you two could spend the next week together, let alone the rest of your natural lives.
Begin by choosing a simple, fun project that oughtn’t take too much time. For example, how about remodeling that rental apartment you just moved in to? To make the project particularly meaningful, focus on areas that you two are absolutely obsessed about. Better yet, choose areas that are an obsession for one of you but leave the other rather indifferent. Mirth is sure to follow! For example, try tackling the gross, cracking, peeling kitchen countertop that absolutely turns you off food, even if hubby is eating raw cheese and chips off it with construction dust swirling all around. Or how about those dreadful red kitchen cabinets that aren’t particularly pretty but will work just fine, except that contact paper just is not enough for your honeybun and they all have to be stripped, sanded, and repainted to match the (as yet undecided) living room color?
Now that you have a project, you two can split up responsibilities. Remember that a relationship involves give-and-take, so put on a cheerful face (no rolling of the eyes!) as you eagerly take all the instructions, directions, and materials that your mate gives you. Remember, every situation is a learning opportunity! Ask questions when things seem illogical (and you will hear yet again why this is the right way) and feel free to suggest better way of doing things (fantasies keep romance fresh!).
As you work, keep an eye out for your loved one’s work habits, a telling window into his internal world. Is your normally clean-surfaces-everywhere-before-I-can-work freak of a lover now leaving dripping paint rollers, sponges, and water bottles lying on the laundry sink countertop so they’re sure to get splashed by your bucketful of dirty, paint-chip-laden TSP water you’ve just spent the past two hours sweating over? Does he lose his cool when you oh-so-tactfully suggest that he put the paint and electrical tools in their respective drawers even if (true! true!) that may not be the final place they will go once you truly get the whole apartment organized? Does he insist on opening every single moving box and leaving them open all over the apartment, where the paint chips, sawdust, and house lead is sure to land, thus making you have to wash everything before you put it away because of course he won’t and you care too much about both of your healths to ignore the free-floating danger that he is obviously so oblivious to?
Throughout your project, remember that it is important to preserve your mental health. To this end, make sure you schedule some play time to do things you and your partner normally enjoy, such as a bike ride around town. Take the opportunity to see how your cuddlycakes reacts to this break: does he embrace it like manna from heaven, an opportunity to get out for a bit, recharge his batteries, and enjoy what life has to offer? Or does he become a neurotic fruitcake, obsessing about all the work that isn’t being done and his slacker boyfriend who only wants to play while he, the poor darling, is stuck doing all the work? While you’re out in the great outdoors, it’s a great time to air out your accumulated detritus of resentments and listen receptively with lovingkindness to his feelings about the whole situation. Are you really a lazy bum who would much rather surf the net than sand kitchen counters? Or have you had it up to here with caulking, sanding, and painting and are just about to go crazy if you don’t get away from the house into a semblance of normal life?
Finally, though, you will see your efforts rewarded as your project nears its end. Home office set up, boxes put away, kitchen functional, you will admire your handiwork, gaze sheepishly into each other’s eyes, and repeat those sweet words that alone can echo the sentiment in your hearts: “Never again!”
