Sept. 11, 2006
How does one deal with trauma? It’s been five years since the terrorist attacks that marked my generation, and one month since the bicycle accident that left me with permanent scars. Construction at Ground Zero has begun; my fractures have been healing
Memories of both events are, in their own ways, painful. The collective tragedy woke us to the fact that being the lone superpower would not bring us safety, that our brawn would not guarantee us peace, not even at home. My personal accident brought an emotional immediacy to the realization that my youth counts for nothing, that no matter how hard I train and how many products I buy, how many Men’s Health tips I follow and how many supplements I take, I am an all-too-vulnerable piece of flesh affected by what others do.
There’s a fear that comes after your foundations have been cleft by trauma. You yearn for things to be as they once were: innocent, unsullied. You strive to turn back the clock. But, of course, you can’t. The event becomes an indelible part of who you are, and the best you can do is hope that the sediments of later experiences that form your life will grow strong and stable. With time, perhaps, it ceases to be an an ominous every-day presence: the rift becomes less noticeable, the scars fade somewhat.
What of our choices in the aftermath? Our nation chose to lash out, at a credible party at first, at a red herring later. Caught up in a defensive reaction, our maladaptive response has only made us more hated and less safe, even as we lose touch with the values that define us.
As for me—well, it’s too early to tell. I like to think my choices remain reasoned and deliberate, but I’d be lying if I said there’s no emotional fallout from the accident. I am feeling cautious and vulnerable; when I get on a bike again, it will be with some trepidation. Nonetheless, cycling and taking calculated risks are part and parcel of what it means to be Victor.
And so, acknowledging the pain, we strive to move forward constructively, with grace and optimism. The future remains an open book.